Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
