Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
