You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
i think my cat just said my name.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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