Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
