he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
