When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
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