butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Randomize
