in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
don't judge my taste in strippers
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Randomize
