Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
