Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Randomize