Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Success! We fucked roommates!
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