You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
