I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Ladies don't puke and tell
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Randomize
