he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
