my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
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