You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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