woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
