I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
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