I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
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