My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
