I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize
