Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
