It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
