dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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