She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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