dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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