New low: just hacked my moms facebook
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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