It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Randomize
