Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Randomize
