I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..