Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.