I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.