I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
23 Strangest Things That Gave Dudes A Boner
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
These 21 People Shouldn’t Be Giving Dating Advice
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.