she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked