It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I supernannyed him into submission
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize
