Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
