I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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