hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
