Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Randomize
