i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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