It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
