just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
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