after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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