he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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