Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
