look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Randomize
