I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
