I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Randomize
