oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
jump out the window naked night went bad
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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