bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
