because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
