I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
where does the pee come out of this thing
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Randomize
