you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
