You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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