ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
