It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
