i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
