Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
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