now i know why i became what i already was.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
