Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I need mimosas to revive my soul
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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