Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
