a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize