the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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