That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Four minutes until I can fart!
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
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We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
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Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize