I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
