dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
