I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Randomize
