My first STD was from a foam party
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
