Please, let me fuck your mom
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
PANTIES FOUND
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
