Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
