This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
