dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
she told me i tasted like america
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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