i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
