Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Randomize
