Duck Duck Cougar?
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Randomize
