the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Randomize
