the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
