Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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