When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
She said her name was "party"
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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